lesbianism, by the upstairsmen

We’ve formed a club of sorts. The upstairsmen. It consists of everyone who sleeps upstairs, and it does not consist of anyone who lives downstairs. We are above them, literally. And also in a metaphorical sense. We’re here to bring back separation of the classes. It’s what everyone, everyone, everyone needs!

Anyway, what usually happens when we have an “Upstairsmen Meeting” is we assemble in the kitchen or someone’s [upstairs] bedroom to talk about how living in the upstairs is really so much superior to living downstairs, concoct revenge plans on the downstairsmen, and just generally congratulate each other on our birthright and how awesome we are. We usually talk in English accents while we do this. We’ve also discussed having uniforms, a theme song, a mating call, code names, and world domination.

So at tonight’s special meeting, we were talking about Harry Potter. Or rather, I was relating a Harry-Potter type anecdote, about how when my little brother first started reading Harry Potter whilst on family vacation, he thought the line “Get stuffed, Malfoy!” was the most hilarious thing ever in all of time and started telling us all to “get stuffed” at five minute intervals. This was accompanied by uproarious, hysterical laughter. Anyway, we got on the topic of Hermione Granger and then Emma Watson. I explained how Kevin had esteemed her to be his dream girl at the time, and then Mike said something to the effect of, “Well, I would date her!” To which me and Steph replied, at the same time, and with fervent emphasis, “WOULD DATE HER!!!!!” Then I proceeded to list women who I would “turn gay” for. To which Paul said, “So you’re saying you would change your whole personality? Because that’s essentially what would happen.”

I didn’t understand what he meant. Does he mean that finding other girls attractive is a deal-breaker as far as personalities go? That I can only be attracted to boys and not girls in order to maintain my person-hood? I didn’t want to tell him that I already do find girls attractive, so it already was a part of my personality. Not in the way that I want to date them or make out with them, because I don’t. But because I’m a heterosexual, that means I can’t notice other girls? Because I do notice other girls. I don’t think any girl doesn’t notice other girls. If they didn’t, there would be no such thing as “mean girls” or “gender competition.” Boys say they don’t notice other boys, but I don’t think that’s true either. You can notice that someone has a nice body without wanting to have sex with them.

This video explains my sexuality.

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