(move her out of that) hot burning sun

I don’t have to cook dinner two weeks in a row. I don’t know how I possibly got away with that, but I did. Tonight’s dinner was provided by this dude named Ryan. He lives one block down from us. I had three pulled pork sandwiches. It weren’t right. One time I tried to make pulled pork and I absolutely, abysmally failed. I’m putting it into the category of “things I can’t cook successfully.” Also in this category : Pancakes and Icing. I can’t make either of those to save my life.

Next thursday the LTD’s are coming. I need to find stuff for them to do. Which should be easy, considering the current state of War Zone Bowness.

I miss Sarah. I miss our bedtime routine, how she would brush her teeth and I would pee in the potty and we’d talk about our days.

Do you know what I hate doing? Networking. I hate hate hate hate hate hate it. More than anything in this life. But apparently it’s “necessary.” I’m not a networking person. I’m not a small talk person. It’s not that I hate people and don’t want to make small talk. I just think that small talk, is, like…stupid. And boring. And it’s not useful. I don’t care about making small talk with people I don’t know. Susann says that you can’t just jump into a serious conversation first, anyway, you have to lead up to it. But that just doesn’t sound interesting to me. Getting to know a new person. Once I know somebody, then I know them. I’d just rather skip the “getting to know” part because it’s just….tiresome. Why do I have to talk about things I don’t care about with people I don’t want to get to know? Why do I have to? Why do I have to play games and say, “I’ve been looking at a lot of new and exciting opportunities and I’m looking forward to exploring those!” instead of “I don’t have a job and I  really need one, like, a year ago.” I just don’t want to do it. I don’t want to make friends. I just want to go to a job and then come home without having to pretend to be anybody’s best buddy. I just want to be left alone.

Susann is funny. Today she told me how proud she was of me…twice. I started giggling nervously which is what I do whenever anyone pays me a compliment. “You are?” (giggling) “What for?” (more nervous giggling, etc). Then later I read in a book that my type on the enneagram scale is more comfortable taking a compliment if some constructive criticism is added with it because that makes the compliment more credible. I don’t know if that’s true. I don’t know how to take a compliment, but it’s equally the same for constructive criticism right now. If someone does criticize me, they have to say it really slow and really nice or I flip out. It’s a gift. I’m not proud of it.

Brian met a guy called Dr. Dupe today. I don’t know much about him besides the fact that he’s self-published, schizophrenic, and made up a word called “Perhapsolutely.” He also made up a word called “commacide.” Commacide is when a comma is inserted into a sentence and changes the original meaning of the sentence. Anyway, he was very insistent on the fact that we NEEDED to have this guy over. Like, he called me on the telephone. And was weirdly excited about it. More excited than Brian usually gets about anything that isn’t a truck or a salary increase. So I’m going to call him (Dr. Dupe) on the phone next week. I don’t like that name…Dr. Dupe. I wish he had a better one. It’s because I don’t like the word dupe. I think I’ll just call him “the good doctor” instead. Nailed it.

I wish that you were here
we’d have a tea party to celebrate
drive a cop car into the lake
hold our breath for two long boring days

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