a guide to morality (and high fashion).

For some reason, I don’t hate this. I don’t know why I don’t hate it, I just know that I don’t. But then, I’ve always thought peacocks were magnificent bastards for whatever reason.


Not saying that she looks like a peacock. I’m just saying that her dress has tremendous plumage going on, not unlike the peacock. And everyone knows that peacocks are like the divas of the bird world. They are also the bodyguards of the bird world. Because if you get a duck, (just…speaking hypothetically, of course) then you should get a peacock too. To stave off predators. That’s what an old man told me once. Gosh, that’d be a noisy yard. With one duck and one peacock. Quinn said we could get chickens. Finally. All of our dreams are coming true.

I’ve been thinking about Breaking Bad and Dexter. Comparing them in my mind. It occurred to me the other day that Breaking Bad feels darker than Dexter. Which, at first glance, doesn’t really make sense – I mean, Dexter is even based on a book entitled Darkly Dreaming Dexter. A show about a serial killer who kills serial killers? You can’t really get any darker than that. But you can, because at its core Dexter is a show about an essentially good guy with a unique set of emotional disabilities who does bad things (maybe even “morally foggy” things.)  You root for him anyway, because somehow he is a sympathetic character. Kind of the “hooker with a heart of gold” premise. And goddammit  it if we all don’t love ourselves a vigilante. Revenge fantasies are awesome. If they weren’t, Quentin Tarantino wouldn’t have a job. But they’re just that – fantasies. They don’t seem that close to reality.

On the other hand, a junior high teacher resorting to cooking meth to support his family actually doesn’t seem that far-fetched. It  just seems like something that could happen. And while Dexter has fluctuations in his character, his basic Dexter-ness remains the same. With Walter White, his character is constantly deteriorating. It’s so Oscar Wilde that it hurts. And this is uncomfortable to watch because we know that the same capacity for evil is within all of us. It’s a real thing. And that’s why it feels heavy and why so many people watch the show, because it could be a story about me. Or you. Or anyone, really. 

I never liked the movie Scarface. I didn’t get what the point of it was. Okay, okay – dealing drugs is bad. You probably shouldn’t do it. But besides that point, what was the movie…about? Nihilism? What were they trying to make me feel? If I had to compare it to anything, It’s kind of like little kids during group time who say “EXCUSE me, I have a QUESTION!” and then you say, “Yes, what is your question?” And you’re thinking it has something to do with whatever lesson you’re teaching, and then the kid will say something completely fucking arbitrary like, “I have a dog and I like colouring.” Uh, okay. Thanks for letting me know, I guess.

SO ANYWAY, if I didn’t like the movie Scarface and didn’t think it had a point, why am I so obsessed with Breaking Bad and why do I HAVE to know how it turns out, even though at this point I’m pretty sure almost everyone is going to die and the ending isn’t going to have a point besides the fact that Walter White eventually became a psychopath who destroyed everything and everyone in his path? It’s not like every movie/tv show I watch HAS to have a point, or a higher lesson, or anything like that, but why do so many people get off on watching guy destroy everything in his life? Are we really that primitive? I feel like a fucking neanderthal.

This is also one of my problems with Game of Thrones. Reading the books, the overlying story seems to be the continual disintegration and disembowelment of the Stark Family. They are just destroyed, ripped apart. And the worse and more macabre the tragedy, the more spellbound we are. I don’t understand why I love watching these shows. 

I guess I’m just a cavewoman after all. And that fact will surprise no one.


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